I call that a radical interpretation of the text

LEVEL!, originally uploaded by your neighborhood librarian.

I have three words for you, if you live in an old(ish) frame house with sagging floors and not a ninety-degree angle to be found:

THREADED STEM GLIDES

I bought a set of these leetle fellas at my local Depot of Home, flipped the IKEA TV stand over, and whipped out my cordless drill. I dominated that item of furniture, yo.

When I turned it back upright, I screwed out the stem glides until the bubble in the level showed up mostly in the middle. I believe this makes it the only level object in the whole house.

ALSO: I planted 60 square feet of peas and carrots in the vegetable bed, and prepared a new 6x3' bed to receive the tomato and pepper plants that should arrive in early May. I used my cultivator, a six-foot pike with three vicious claws on the end. I love that tool. I can twirl it like some demon majorette. I could fend off a horde of drunken vampire rednecks with that thing, and don't think that's not what's going through my mind as I am levering out colonies of sawgrass and breaking up wads of compost.

ALSO: I fixed the composter. OUT, baby mice!

I finally found a coatrack to replace the orange wooden giraffe that we've been using, and I got that put together; and I replaced the lamp by the stairs that was just never right. The new lamp by the stairs looks right. Although what I had to go through to unplug the old one and plug the new one in?

Well let's just say they're never gonna take me at the convent after that.